Stop Trying to Be Interesting. It’s Killing Your Sales.

I stared at the phone. My hand hovered over the keypad.

The dread was physical. A tightness in the chest. A dryness in the throat. Why did this feel like I was preparing for battle? I wasn't going to war. I was just trying to talk to another human being. But the silence on the other end felt heavy with judgment.

I realized I wasn't afraid of the person. I was afraid of the rejection. I was afraid of being the intruder.

You know that feeling when you pick up a call and immediately know it's a sales pitch? The wall goes up instantly. You feel it in your gut. Maybe you've felt this too. That instant recoil.

I had to figure out why we react this way.

I dug into the evolutionary biology of it. It makes sense. The Psychology of Cold Calling documents note that our reptilian brain is wired to detect threats. The stranger at the cave entrance wasn't usually there to offer a discount on SaaS solutions. They were there to steal resources. We are hardwired to distrust the unknown.

Then I looked at the psychological angle. I call this the "Small Self." It's that needy, ego-driven part of us that reeks of "commission breath." The research confirms that neediness triggers a "creepiness" response. When I need the deal to validate my worth, the other person smells it. It repels them.

I was wrong about the goal.

I thought I needed to be liked. I thought I needed to be impressive.

The etymology of the word sell comes from the Old English sellan, which means "to give." It does not mean to take. It does not mean to convince. It means to offer.

Something shifted in me.

I stopped trying to be interesting. I started trying to be interested.

I turned to the work of Chris Voss. He talks about "Tactical Empathy." Not sympathy. Not agreeing. But demonstrating that I understand their position. I started using what he calls the "Late Night FM DJ Voice." Calm. Slow. Downward inflected.

I realized that rushing created resistance. Slowing down created safety.

I sat with the concept of "No String Selling." The idea is detachment. If I am truly detached from the outcome, I am safe. If I am safe, the person on the other phone feels safe.

You've probably noticed this in your own life. When someone doesn't need anything from you, you lean in.

I started using "labeling." Instead of fighting an objection, I named it. "It sounds like you're under a lot of pressure right now." "It seems like you have a reason for saying that."

The research in The Integrated Revenue Accelerator points to mirror neurons. When I am calm, they become calm. When I am anxious, they become defensive.

Finally.

I stopped pitching and started diagnosing. I moved from the "Small Self" trying to get, to the "Giant Self" trying to give. I gave them the autonomy to say no. Paradoxically, this made them want to say yes.

The foundational reframe transforming my sales right now is this: Trust is not built by what I say about my product, but by how much I understand their problem.

This is my work right now. To detach. To listen. To let go of the need to win so that I can actually help.

Am I brave enough to enter a conversation with zero agenda other than the truth?

Follow for more of the work.

I write more about this in The 12 Journeys.

#sales #growth #mindset #psychology #communication #fyp