The Compass and the Fruit Tree

I woke up with that heavy feeling again this morning. The one where you feel like you are running out of time to become who you are supposed to be.

You know that feeling when you are standing at the edge of a canyon, waiting for a sign that never comes.

I have spent years treating purpose like a treasure map. I thought if I just looked under enough rocks or got the right job title, I would finally find it. I treated it like a destination.

I was wrong.

I had to dig into why this pressure feels so physical.

First, I looked at the biology. It turns out we are wired for connection on a cellular level. The research on limbic resonance shows that our nervous systems are not closed loops. We are open systems. We constantly regulate each other.

We have these things called mirror neurons. When I act with courage or kindness, I am not just making myself feel better. I am physically stabilizing the nervous systems of the people around me. I become a human tuning fork.

Then I looked at the history. Viktor Frankl survived the concentration camps and came back with a devastating truth. He observed that the people who survived the horror were often the ones who had a "why." A person to love. A work to finish.

He found that we do not invent meaning. We detect it.

This changed everything.

I realized I have been confusing "goals" with "purpose."

Goals are the boxes I check.

Purpose is the wind.

I had to sit with the difference. Goals are about what I get. Purpose is about what I give. I realized that my obsession with "finding my passion" was actually just a fancy way of being self-absorbed.

Something broke open.

There is a concept in psychology called generativity. Erik Erikson described it as the concern for establishing and guiding the next generation. It is the rejection of stagnation.

It is the realization that I am a fruit tree.

A tree does not eat its own fruit.

My fruit is for others.

You have probably been there. You chase the accolade or the promotion, thinking it will fill the hole. But it doesn't.

David Brooks distinguishes between "resume virtues" and "eulogy virtues." Resume virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. Eulogy virtues are what they say about you when you are gone. Was she kind? Was he brave? Did they love well?

If you are anything like me, you have spent too much time building the resume and not enough time building the eulogy.

I realized my purpose is likely hiding in the last place I wanted to look. My pain.

When I take my own struggles and metabolize them into wisdom for others, I become a cycle breaker. I rewrite the biological code for the people coming after me.

The word generativity comes from the Latin generare, meaning "to beget" or "to produce." It is the act of bringing life into existence.

The foundational reframe transforming my life right now is this. I do not need to find a grand plan. I just need to be useful.

This is my work right now.

To stop asking "what is my passion?" and start asking "who needs my fruit?". To build a life based on who I am helping, not just what I am achieving.

If you stopped worrying about the destination, who could you help walk a little straighter today?

Follow along as I continue to walk this path.

I explore this deeper in The 12 Journeys.

#purpose #mentalhealth #psychology #growth #philosophy #fyp