Fuck You! Thank You! (FUTU)

"Fuck you."

Jenn Walter, a participant in our SG program, looked me dead in the eye and said it.

It wasn’t a joke.

It was the guttural, reflexive sound of a worldview shattering.

I had just held up a mirror she wasn’t ready to look into.

Within a moment, that rage softened into a profound gratitude.

She said, "Thank you."

We literally made a shirt for her with that phrase.

Fuck you, thank you. FUTU

I’m reflecting on this today because it captures the brutal architecture of awakening.

You know that feeling when the truth hits you so hard it feels like an assault?

You’ve been there.

Maybe you’ve felt this too.

The moment when clarity feels like violence because it threatens the comfort of your blindness.

I used to think that helping people meant making them feel good.

I was wrong.

I realized that comfort and growth are rarely roommates.

To understand why Jenn reacted that way, I had to look at the biology of belief.

The brain protects identity like it protects the body.

Neuroscientists have mapped this.

When our core beliefs are challenged, the amygdala activates.

This is the same part of the brain that lights up when a tiger chases us.

To the nervous system, a hard truth isn’t just information.

It is a predator.

Stephen Porges calls this "neuroception"—the body’s subconscious scanning for threat.

Jenn’s "Fuck you" wasn’t a character flaw.

It was a biological mobilization.

Her sympathetic nervous system was flooding her body with energy to fight off the death of her old self.

Then I dug into the etymology of the word "Crisis."

It comes from the Greek krisis, which means "decision" or "turning point."

It does not mean catastrophe.

I realized that the "Fuck you" was the crisis point.

It was the moment of decision.

Would she defend the old map?

Or would she burn it to build a new one?

The "Fuck you" was the friction of that decision.

If you’re anything like me, you probably judge your own anger when you’re challenged.

You might think you’re failing at being "spiritual" or "evolved."

But I discovered that the anger is actually evidence of the work.

Leon Festinger described Cognitive Dissonance as the mental discomfort experienced by a person who holds two or more contradictory beliefs.

That discomfort is energy.

Jenn couldn't get to the "Thank you" without metabolizing the "Fuck you."

She had to burn through the resistance to arrive at the appreciation.

We put it on a shirt because it is the most honest statement of transformation I know.

The thing that is transforming my identity is this.

Anger is not the opposite of gratitude.

It is often the gateway to it.

The "Fuck you" is the bouncer at the door of the "Thank you."

I realized I cannot demand the gratitude without being willing to withstand the heat of the initial rage.

They are part of the same arc.

This is my work, but only always.

I am learning to stand still when the "Fuck you" comes.

I am learning not to take the resistance personally, but to see it as the sound of a new giant breaking out of a small shell.

I am holding space for the anger so the gratitude has a place to land.

Are you brave enough to let the truth piss you off before it sets you free?

Follow for more of the work.

I explore this deeper in The 12 Journeys.

#fyp #healing #growth #truth #shadowwork #authenticity